Paranoia

I feel like a crazy person. I'm pretty sure I have, in fact, lost my mind.

Even though we've had someone staying with us almost every night, I can't get the "what if" nightmares to stop. And, it isn't getting better, it's getting worse. It's like the shock has finally worn off and my anxiety and fear has kicked in full gear.

So, the kids and I have been staying over at Mom's house lately because I desperately need sleep and it will not happen at that house. Not in the foreseeable future, anyway.

I tell Chloe that we're going to sleepover at Grandma's house. She gets so excited, it's like I just told her it was Christmas and she can open all her presents tonight. I am very grateful she hasn't been affected by the whole thing.

Logan thinks the whole thing is pretty sweet too. He doesn't want to go to sleep, ever. Tonight, he didn't finally give in, after putting up a really big fight, until 10:45.

I'm thinking I might contact our parish's Stephen Ministry group this week. I need some help. I need some perspective. I need to get to the point where I can leave this in God's hands and be okay.

I so desperately want to be okay again.