May 30, 2013

Prayers Please

So, I haven't had much time to think, or to fully process a lot of what has happened over the last few months. I'm just going to make a list of our prayer requests, and I can tell you more about them if you want to know.

Baby Girl.

We had our level II ultrasound yesterday. Everything looked great, totally normal and healthy. BUT, they did find an Echogenic Intracardiac Focus (EIF). Basically, baby girl has a small white spot on her heart that is thought to indicate small deposits of calcium. It has no impact on health or heart function. In fact, it normally disappears by the third trimester. But, it is a "soft indicator" of a possible chromosome problem like Down's Syndrome.

It is highly unlikely because there were no other abnormalities or indicators (on this, or any other ultrasound) and because I'm very young. Everything else that would indicate a potential problem was growing normally, even ahead of the standard size of babies at this gestational age. But, I can't help but worry.

[Side note: I really think that if the chances of there being something wrong are so slim, it is absolutely cruel to even mention it to a pregnant woman. In fact, there is a debate currently about whether it should be mentioned at all when there are no other indicators. But, alas, here I am.]

I could have the Quad 4 blood screening done, but I think that would make me worry more, honestly. All this test would do is give me a number as to how likely it is that the baby will have problems. I'd have to have more extensive and invasive tests done to confirm the initial screening, and I will not do those tests.

And, even beyond that, it isn't as though we would do anything differently with this pregnancy if we could know for sure if something was wrong. God has given us this baby for a reason. We are merely witnesses to His goodness. Whatever His will is, let it be done.

So... all of that to say, I don't know if I will get the screening done. I have to decide in the next week or so because it'll be too late after that. 

Either way, keep praying for a healthy baby!!

My Health.

After having heavy, unexplained bleeding for 3+ weeks (end of April-May), my doctor was only able to tell me inflammation and/or irritation are the cause. He believes it is unrelated to the baby. All of my tests have come back negative for any types of infections or diseases; but, my white blood cell count was high. He put me on a few different antibiotics. I finished those last Friday. But, I immediately started having the pain again.

This pain has come and gone over the last three years (at least). The best way I can describe it is, it's similar to the pain/pressure a 9 month pregnant woman would feel after walking around a store for an hour. Sometimes it isn't that bad, but it can also easily be debilitating. This pain happens when I'm pregnant, and when I'm not. And, it is now severely interfering with my ability to take care of my kids and myself.

I have a hunch it is somehow related to Celiac Disease. But, I haven't been able to confirm anything, or find any research that supports my hypothesis yet. My OB basically told me that my idea sounds plausible but he has no suggestions for me. I'm speechless, honestly.

I'm so entirely fed up with having unexplainable health problems, it's just inexplicable. I've spent my entire life fighting mystery health battles and I'm tired of it. Please pray we can find an answer!

Our House.
We have had a couple of showings. But, not a whole lot of traffic yet. I'm having a very hard time being patient. We, meaning mostly me, really need this stress to be gone. Please pray that God brings the right person through very soon. (Turns out, we have another showing today from 1:30-2:30pm!)

Meanwhile, there are still weird things that happen when I am at the house by myself. Like, candles will be out of place; or doors that are always left open will be shut; or many other little things that just make the hair on my arms stand on end. Thanks to my father-in-law, I have realized these things are probably orchestrated by the devil to raise my anxiety, to make me doubt. It doesn't mean that I feel safe, or ever will feel safe there. But, I do feel a little stronger through this realization.


Along those lines, I'm not sure whether we will be moving sooner or later. I'm not happy with the health care quality I am receiving here. I really feel like I would get more answers being in Indiana, where I could be referred to Celiac specialists, if need be.

Additionally, I feel like I would be able to find more peace about our entire situation up there, as opposed to staying here. I could relax.

Ultimately, I know we want to live in God's peace, and follow His plan for us. I have no idea how to decipher that line, when my plan becomes primary and God's becomes secondary. I have no idea what it means to merge those two. But, I'm trying.


If there is anything I have gathered from the last few months, it's that God is teaching me trust. I feel like Job most days, battling a force much greater than myself. I am being tested. Every day, I am faced with situations or events where I must answer the question: "Do you trust me?" 

I don't know when enough will be enough. I don't know what part of my life or my attitude needs to change. But, I'm searching. I know that perseverance will pay off.

This is from today's Gospel reading. It spoke to me about much of our situation right now.

          Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have 
          mercy on me!”
          Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
          So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” Throwing his 
          cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
          "What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
          The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
          "Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed 
          Jesus along the road.

           Mark 10: 48-52

We're calling and praying for healing -- physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. We are faced with so many life-changing decisions and so many things that are completely out of our control right now... all we can do is pray.

God our Father, divine healer and protector, please send your Holy Spirit upon us now. If it is Your will, heal our precious unborn baby of any health problems. Bring us the strength to make it through the next twenty weeks of this pregnancy joyfully, come whatever may. Please heal my own body, Lord, from all that hurts and weakens it. Show us where we must go to find the answers we so desperately need to all of my health problems.

St. Joseph, foster-father of Jesus, I know you have heard my prayers about our house. I believe that together with Jesus, you are working to bring the right person through so that we may move on. Please give me the patience I need to not become frustrated in the process. Let me learn from your example how to trust in God. 

St. John Vianney, please watch over us and protect us. You know how terrifying these spiritual battles can be. Let me learn through your example how to confront these demons in strength, with Jesus and His angels behind me. 

"So do not be afraid, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10